


I'll Be

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-07 23:18:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6829327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started out on the trail. Life out there was not real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Be

"18 hour bra my ass." CJ muttered as she walked into her apartment.

She had not intended to be at work as long as she had been.  CJ arrived at the White House at 6:30 that morning.  Now it was 12:45 and she was looking at the inside of her apartment.  She dropped her briefcase and coat in the closet by the door.  By the time she made it to the kitchen she was dressed only in a blouse and panties.  She left the bra on the kitchen counter as she poured a glass of red wine.  Grabbing the remote from the entertainment console she turned on the CD player.  The voice of Donna Summer burst through...she turned down the volume.

_Last dance, last chance for love Yes, its my last chance for romance tonight I need you by me, beside me, to guide me To hold me, to scold me, cuz when Im bad I'm so, so bad. So..._

"Aahhh!"

Leo laughed as CJ screamed.  She reached out to slap him; Leo pulled her into his arms.

"Disco huh?" he kissed her.

"I was trying to unwind.  I had no idea you were here."

"I wanted to surprise you.  Did I do a good job?"

"Umm hmm.  Kiss me again."

Leo kissed her, running his hands down her arms.  He whispered in her ear how beautiful she was.  CJ smiled, pushing herself closer to him.  Leo exhaled...it had been too long.  It had only been a few weeks since he announced Jennys intention to divorce him to the Senior staff and the President.  CJ had known since the night it happened.  No one was more surprised than she was when he showed up at her apartment at one thirty in the morning.

"Leo, what are you doing here?" CJ asked, pulling her robe tighter around her.

"I dont think I have anywhere else to go." He replied.

She looked into his hazel eyes.  He seemed to be in shock.  CJ tilted her head a bit.  This was something she had never seen before and they had known each other for almost three and a half years.

"Whats the matter?" she whispered.

"Just put your arms around me and dont let go."

CJ did as he asked.  They stood in the entry hall of her apartment holding each other for a long time.  Leo pulled her robe apart some, inhaled her fragrance.  She showered before bed and smelled so pure.  No perfume, no makeup, she was just Claudia Jean.  In all her glory, wearing a terry robe that was too big and rectangular glasses.

"Whatever it is I am here for you." She said.

"Jenny is gone." He muttered, his lips tickling her skin.

"What?"

CJ pulled away from his embrace and tilted his chin up so he could see her eyes.

"She left me.  I..."

She put her finger on his lips.

"Stop talking.  Come and sit down; Ill make coffee."

Leo began to protest, saying he didnt want to be a bother.

"Shut up Leo McGarry.  Go and get comfortable.  Ill put on the coffee."

Leo sat on the couch.  Hed been there once before.  Kissing her until their lips were swollen and they couldnt breathe.  Wiping her tears as he apologized for his reckless behavior.  Running as fast as he could because he knew he wanted her more than anything.  That was right after they arrived in DC...he never let the lust get the better of him again.  It started out on the trail.  Life out there was not real.

It was a chilly night in New Hampshire; CJ had just joined Bartlet for America.  She wandered out to the small back area and found Leo smoking a cigarette.

"Oh please, tell me you have another." She said sitting down beside him.

"Toby said you were a health nut."

Leo opened the pack of Marlboro Lights, let her take one, and lit it for her.

"99% of the time I am.  Wanna beer?"

"Why are you carrying a six-pack of beer?" Leo asked.

"Because the boys will drink everything in sight if you let them."

"I dont drink...I can't drink CJ."

"Why not?  Are you ill?"

"Something like that.  Im an alcoholic."

"Oh.  Oh my God."

He looked at her stricken face and wished he didnt have to tell her.  She would think differently of him now and though there was nothing he could do about it, Leo wanted it not to be so.  CJ pushed the six-pack under the chair with her foot.  Leo smiled.

"What?" she asked.

"I am not going to start foaming at the mouth for your beer." He replied.  "I dont even like beer.  Even alcoholics are picky about their poison."

"What do you drink?  I mean, what did you drink?"

"Scotch.  The older the better.  Bourbon if there was nothing else.  Beer is for amateurs."

CJ laughed.

"How long have you been sober?  I hope that question is not too personal.  You can just tell me to shut the hell up Leo."

"I will just say not long enough.  A long road is ahead of me."

He would not tell CJ that he had only been out of Sierra-Tucson for 122 days.  That would scare her, though it had been the longest time in his life that he had been sober.  It was something to be proud of.  Still, it would scare her.  She would think that every crisis would send him to the bottom of a bottle.  Leo could not afford to lose her confidence.

They spent the rest of the night talking.  It was after two when he walked her back to her hotel room.  Soon they were looking for time to spend together, five minutes here and a half hour there.  Nothing indiscreet...everyone knew that Leo was married.   That never seemed to stop him from holding her hand a bit too long.  It never stopped CJ from running her fingers down the soft hairs on his neck.

It did not stop him from holding her when she cried for Joshs father in the hotel on the night of the Illinois primary.  He told her that night he feared he was falling in love with her.

"Too late for me." She whispered, taking over his mouth with her own.

They made love, and then had a strategy session over post-coital cigarettes.  It was not going to happen.  He was married, had been forever.  She was too much in the public eye and he was her boss.  CJ took it well; she was used to disappointment.  She let her dreams of the White House guide the rest of the way.  Leo was put back in his friendship box and they both knew it was for the best.

A few times the passion got the better of them out on the road.  Once CJ was in his arms it was impossible to say no.  Her heart always ached for a few days after.  Life on the trail and then the White House kept both Leo and CJ too busy to either cultivate or dwell on their personal lives.  Until he showed up at her apartment on that warm evening.

CJ brought two cups of coffee into the living room.  She sat beside him on the couch, placing a warm hand on his shoulder.  He was not ready to talk...Leo McGarry didnt do anything until he was ready.  CJ had to lighten the mood; at least the burden.  The tears were building in the back of her throat and the last thing that needed to happen was for her to start crying.  Especially since she would have no idea why she was doing it.  Leo did not need to be comforting her tonight.

"I saw a movie once where the main character stated that the best way to know if youve truly found the one was to know how he took his coffee." She said.

Leo looked at her with a raised eyebrow but said nothing.  She could tell from the creases around his eyes that he found this strange but amusing.  What was even more strange is that CJ mastered his moods based on the creases around his eyes.  That beat a cup of coffee by a mile.

"It seemed strange to me at first." She went on.  "I guess you never really do have a conversation about how you like your coffee...not even heavy drinkers like us.  It is just one of those things you learn from spending time with someone."

"Some cream and extra sugar.  Kenyan, though you will take dark Colombian in a pinch.  Instant can work in extraordinary circumstances, but never decaf.  Probably not even with a gun to your head." He said.

"I would drink it with a gun to my head." CJ said.  "They would probably still shoot me; I would be unbearable."

"Unbearable, but so beautiful."

"You did not come here at this hour to give me compliments."

"I can show up at any hour to give you compliments Claudia Jean."

She smiled.  Leo took hold of her hand, slipping his fingers through hers.

"I told her that it was more important than our marriage."

"What?"

"The Bartlet Administration.  I didnt mean it the way it came out, but..."

CJ nodded, she understood.

"I knew things werent good for a long time.  You know, you never think you are going to fall out of love or outgrow the person you marry...or forget why sticking it out is the best thing.  I am to blame for the entire situation.  I took Jenny down too many dark roads and twisted paths, and she stood by me.  When I finally come out on the other side, I desert her for the White House."

"I dont know what to say because I never want to say anything bad about Jenny Leo."

"Say what you feel." Leo replied.  "That is the way I always want it to be with you and me."

"If you were my husband I would cling to you and never let go." CJ drank her coffee with her free hand.

"It is not fair that I should find you at this time in my life CJ.  That I should be able to give you the good times while Jenny had to deal with my demons and my private hell."

"Good times?  We work too hard, dont sleep, have a career where our personal lives are held up for public opinion and scrutiny, and some of us drink too much.  These are important times Leo, not necessarily good.  Not to mention you are a very demanding boss."

"And 2 decades your senior." He added.  "Give or take."

"I dont give a damn about that." CJ replied.

"Why?  What the hell do you see in me?  I have been trying to figure that out since the first kiss."

CJ did not respond immediately.  She never bothered to put her feelings for Leo into too many words...he was not available and it would be painful.  Looking at him as a friend, a person she could talk to, laugh with, or go to in a crisis, made it easier.  And while all of those qualities were outstanding, they had nothing to do with why she was in love with him.

"Your lopsided grin Leo." She said.  "The way your sleepy eyes look in the morning.  Your glasses resting on the bridge of your nose.  I love your strength and your character.  The way you touch my face...and other parts of me.  I just love you and there arent enough words to tell you how or why."

"Kisses, will kisses do?" he asked.

"Leo, we do not need to jump into anything because Jenny walked out tonight.  She could change her mind in a couple of days."

Leo shook his head.  That had been his initial reaction too.  The McGarrys had been through hell and back and back to hell again.  Jenny always stayed at his side.  He knew the first time she left would be the last.  She deserved more...had worked for more.

"I wanted to kiss you when Jenny was waiting at home.  That hasnt changed."

CJ smiled, allowing him to draw her face close.

"Black, with three sugars." She said.  "Preferably with a pastry."

"I love you CJ."

"I love you too."

Leos kisses were soft and passionate.  CJ fought to stop her body from going into sensory overload...sleeping with him tonight was a bad idea.  She could not believe in her rational mind that Jenny was gone.  Even if she did leave that did not make them automatically divorced.  It would be both immoral and stupid to make love tonight.

"I want to stay." Leo said, his arms around her waist.  He pulled her onto his lap.

"No Leo, I dont think..."

"I dont want to make love...hell of course  I do.  But we won't.  I just want to hold you and watch you sleep."

"You watch me sleep?" her voice was hoarse.

"Yeah.  You are so beautiful when you are at peace.  Even if it is only for five hours a night."

"It will be less tonight." CJ replied, getting up from the couch and taking his hand.  "No inappropriate touching or Im kicking you."

"Not tonight CJ, I promise.  Can we renegotiate the terms tomorrow morning?"

"Maybe." Her laughter echoed through the apartment as she turned off lights and they made their way to the bedroom.

***

"Why were you so late?" Leo asked.

He held her in his arms as they dance to _How Deep Is Your Love_.  CJ in his arms made Barry Gibb comparable to Luciano Pavarotti.  Only love could do that.

"Working on the Supreme Court short list with the boys.  Shh."

CJ felt his hands fall to her hips.  He gripped her tighter and she moaned against his ear.

"Lets go to the bedroom." He said as the song began to fade.  "I am sure the next song is a mood killer."

"Nothing could kill the mood." CJ replied, leaning to kiss him.

Sometimes his shortness made her smile.  Her height never seemed to bother him at all.  They hadnt made love since the first time, the Illinois primary.  Truth be told, they were both frightened.  CJ turned off the CD player and walked down the hall with him.  Leo turned on the bedside lamp; just enough light to prevent a trip to the emergency room.  

"I can't tell you how long I have waited for this moment." He said.  "I didnt think..." he could not complete his thought.

They both wanted it to be romantic like the movies but the clothes were shed quickly.  Leo lost a few buttons from the haste.  He was more careful with CJs underwear.  They were maroon satin and a part of him just wanted to watch her sashay around the room in them forever...other things pushed him along.  Leo pulled CJ on top of him on the bed; she pulled his boxers down.  They both laughed when they tangled around his feet as he tried to push them on the floor.

CJ drew her hand up the length of him, loving the sound that Leo made.  His erection was perfect but she didnt know if she wanted an opening act before the headliner.

"Claudia Jean, touch me please."

She did the hand thing again, and again.  He was straining, pushing his hips up and moaning.  The sensation was the best hed ever felt.  CJ sat on him, taking his erection inside of her.

"Oh God." Leo mumbled.

He took hold of her hips, after she got comfortable.  She moved up and down, moaning her pleasure and biting down on her lip.  Leo thrust into her...CJ whimpered.  He was close and cursed aloud; being old sucked.  She deserved a man who could make love to her all night.  She was still going, having slowed the tempo when she felt him tighten.  She was not ready for it to be over yet.  Leo smiled; she could sense his body.  She told him in a whisper how good it was.

"It is all you baby, I swear."

"Thrust again Leo, I need you."

He did and she cried out.  CJ leaned her body down to cover his.  To Leo the only thing more magnificent that CJs breasts pressed against his back were her breasts pressed on his chest.  He turned them over; he was now on top.

"CJ, I'm coming.  Oh..."

Leo groaned as he thrust.  CJ climaxed and her body squeezed so tight around him that he burst inside of her.  She held him on top of her; Leo kissed her face.  When he rolled to his back he brought CJ with him and held her in his arms.  Leo pulled the afghan from the bottom of the bed to cover their nudity; the room was suddenly chilly.

"I am sorry we didnt use anything." He said.

"I am on birth control Leo.  We dont have to worry about anyone counting  back months or changing hospital records to make the baby seem younger."

"Changing hospital records?  That sounds like  a bad episode of _Dallas_.  Who would do that in real life?"

CJ laughed, kissing his neck.

"Were alright. Dont worry." CJ was used to being the one who handled the protection.  It was one of the burdens of womanhood.

"I just dont want any of my, my whatever, to ever hurt you." Leo said.

"I am a strong woman Leo...we can hold each other up.  OK?"

"Yeah."

He drew figure eights on her back as she fell asleep.

"Well have babies someday." He whispered.  "If you want to.  I will buy you a big house and a cute dog.  You'll wear maternity clothes and waddle around. I will massage your back and your feet.  Your skin will tingle when I kiss you because pregnancy heightens all your senses.  I will beg you not to cut your hair when it grows too long.  Well read baby books and find names with great meanings.  At night youll curl your body around mine and I will protect our child growing inside you with both hands."

"This will be after the wedding right?" CJ asked in a drowsy voice.  "I know its close to the millennium but the President would shit a brick."

Leo laughed, softly kissing her lips.

"Wedding first, then the rest." He assured her.  "I promise baby."

"I dont need promises, just you."

Hell, even if that was all a beautiful fantasy, they were free.  Not as free as CJ wanted yet, but well on the way.  He loved her and they would make it work, despite the thousands of obstacles that stated otherwise.  CJ Cregg was not a quitter...she would never quit loving, wanting, or desiring Leo McGarry.  When the rain came they would just seek shelter.  It was not going to be easy.  They didnt discuss that tonight, though the time to do so would come soon enough.  Tonight was about reaffirmation and love, a reminder that behind the dark clouds hid the sun.

***


End file.
